“Run toward life fulsomely and freely”

Tennessee Williams offers us advice on how to live, plus my own musings on individuality

Playwright and screenwriter Tennessee Williams arrives at the funeral for poet Dylan Thomas

Today, there is a movement for women to embrace their supposed innate nature and live in a softened state. People who champion this movement and share posts about it often refer to this way of life as “feminine.” There are calls for women to “return” to the kitchen, wear only dresses, and exist more so as a wanderer through life, a support role for others, rather than the creator and champion of her own life, independent of her relation to others.

One popular magazine that has been described as the conservative Cosmopolitan praised a guy who posted this on X:

“My girlfriend lives the most peaceful feminine lifestyle. She simply does pilates, goes on walks, reads at the beach, writes poetry, and looks pretty. It’s beautiful. She has no idea but I’m absolutely supporting it for the rest of her life.”

While this may be working, right now, for this couple’s relationship, I’d be interested to see the long-term effects of such a sheltered, simple, one-layered existence for an adult.

While we should dedicate some time to taking a walk, relaxing at the beach, and working to make oneself presentable, is a life spent completely dedicated to this type of existence sustainable?

I did not have the heart to comment on the magazine’s post praising this man and woman. But my first thought was, if this is her life and she’s attempting to write poetry, it most likely isn’t very good.

I’m from the tried-and-true camp of William Packard, “You can’t lead bunny lives and write tiger poetry.”

While this may very well be the life many women want while chasing that elusive goal of the “feminine divine,” I do not relate to this increasingly touted lifestyle at all. I often ask myself, does this make me less feminine? More masculine? When I am compared to a man (which is often), I take it as a compliment. But does my love of doing things that just so happen to be male-dominated make me any less a woman?

I don’t think so.

Yet, the divide between what much of society thinks I should be versus what I actually am widens.

I know I’m not the only one. Everyday, no matter who you are, you are most likely inundated with messaging telling you what you are allowed and not allowed to be based on arbitrary social constructs, whether you realize this is happening or not.

I’m constantly told I should be focused on having children, not my work. That I should not worry about so many calling for women’s right to vote to be taken away. That I should let my husband do all the heavy lifting. That I should not be so passionate and should “calm down.” That I should not stand up for myself or have an opinion about much of anything for fear of appearing “not nice.”

I’m sure you experience much of the same, especially if you are an independent thinker whose brain hasn’t been hijacked by a political party.

Maybe you’re someone who is looked to as a provider, though you have dreams, which are still very much alive, of an artistic nature, rather than corporate.

Maybe you’re someone who wants to skip the modern tradition of a college education and dive right into the work force, much to your loved ones’ concern.

Maybe you struggle to keep a group of friends because you prefer discussing ideas rather than people.

As I took a break today from work, my mind naturally shifted to that divide. One of the first posts I saw when opening one of my social media accounts was a woman asking to connect with her fellow women who are “living softly.”

I scrolled past as I thought, How can I relate to the soft curvature of femininity when my survival has required the sharpest edges of herculean inner strength?

And I would have it no other way.

What are some of the expectations others have of you that you feel you can’t ever reach? What are some of the ways you live in defiance of those who demand you adhere to their myopic view of human existence?

So much of what we see online tells us who to be. Everyone’s an expert these days because everyone has something to sell.

I don’t have anything to sell so I’m going to shoot you straight. Or, well, Tennessee Williams is going to shoot you straight, actually.

Because while I was taking a break and racking my brain about that damned widening divide, I scrolled across an antidote to my mind’s storm. And the playwright’s advice had nothing to do with telling me who I should or should not be. No, his words didn’t tell me who to be, but how to live.

And suddenly, that freedom that beats like a drum in my spirit filled my soul again.

I’m sharing the passage with you in hopes that it also helps you during those times when your authentic self has to fight in order to not be held hostage by outside forces.

May you spend your days less focused on what you should be, or what others think you should be, and more focused on the art of living life itself.

Luckily, Williams is a perennial guide.

After the passage, I’ve included what I wrote in my journal upon reading the passage for the first time myself and relating it to what I’ve been experiencing. By including the entry, maybe it will encourage others to be more open about all the beautiful and worthy individuality of their own lives. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to live, not who to be, in the comments 🙂

---

Hat tip to Follies of God for featuring this Williams excerpt from an interview with James Grissom:

“When did we become so small and so apologetic? Why do we apologize for our humanity? Love what you love, and make no apologies. This is your identity. The most horrendous suspensions of freedom are self-imposed. We imprison ourselves daily, hourly.

“We have one life, one shot at all the glorious things of life, and we walk about constricted, apologetic, afraid. We have so little time; we have so little space upon which to spread our love and our talents and our kindness. Run toward life fulsomely and freely.” -Tennessee Williams

---

Journal entry, April 15, 2025

How can I relate to the soft curvature of femininity when my survival has required the sharpest edges of herculean inner strength?

Not every life can exist inside a bubble. Some of us were dealt a different hand.

Some of us want the knock of challenge.

Sundresses, flowery notions, and twirling can only take one so far.

Life will eventually demand you to show what you’re made of.

There’s two kinds of people in this world when faced with this reality. One party will throw a tantrum at the injustice of life asking such a question, and will retreat to the coddling of a self-made prison.

Others, and they are a rare few, will grab that demand by its throat—take charge, take aim, and fire.

Life has implored me to answer its demand many times.

So far, I’ve hit a bullseye, or I’ve come awfully close, each time.

I look forward to cultivating all the sharp edges of my soul, my herculean inner strength, and my drive and ambition for the rest of my days.

By the end, life will know, just as I already know, exactly what I’m made of.

And I’m not made of sentimental poetic lines or homemade sourdough bread.

I’m a body wrapped around fire, thunder, waves, and a discerning attitude that has left judges retreating.

As a woman, the last thing I need is a bunch of women (or men) trying to tell me what a woman should be.

If they’d simply pay attention, they’d be able to see, I’m already showing them.

I don’t give a damn about what a woman should be. I give a damn about what I should be.

And I’m not like anyone else.

Neither are you.

---

As the enduring modernist painter, Georgia O’ Keeffe, once said, “It’s not enough to be nice in life. You’ve got to have nerve.”

My nerve is often expressed through my art. How do you have “nerve” and how do you express it? I’d love to know.