My wife and I had a couple of kids at a time when neither one of us was making any "real" money. Today, my daughters, raised with parental love as well as love of learning, are two amazing, successful women. Neither my first wife, nor my daughters have ever assigned importance to materialism and externals. Oh vanity of vanities...
I believe that since you take nothing with you when you go, only two things count on the journey: love/family and learning. Those two values will see you through everything
Beautiful words, George! If there were more parents like you out there the world would be doing much, much better in the virtues department! Love/family and learning, I have to agree, those are two keys to the metaphorical fountain of youth :) I hope you are doing well!
The promotion of anomie in the west today is doing what anomie always does... destroy the fabric of society. Whether in todays western cultural revolution or yesterdays revolutions of Mao Zedong, French revolution, Russian revolution, etc... the victims of these hollow and deceptive ideologies are the individuals and families therein. The result is loss of meaning, depression, nihilism, suicide, mass homicide, and self-harm.
Some of the stated goals of the cultural Marxists are to eradicate the family structure and replace the dreaded "patriarch" with the state as well as destroy any institutions whose authority might rival their own, i.e. churches, charities, etc...
It is no wonder then that todays youth (and every age group really) are so lonely. They replace the sense of meaning and purpose with incessant scrolling on social media. They replace dating with swiping on meaningless Apps. They replace conversation with facebook messages. They replace love with casual sex which is devoid of all meaning all the while accumulating within themselves the error of their ways. The growing loneliness and lack of meaning is blamed on the other sex whether misandry or misogyny. They attempt to assuage their depreciating self-worth with charts of sexual encounters... the only thing of value other than monetary things in today's Brave New World.
This is so eloquently stated! Thank you so much for reading and your reply. Your last paragraph especially resonated with me. I was reading the other day an essay about our "cultural value bankruptcy." The kicker is it's an essay from the early 1960s. With how much insanity we have today in our current cultural climate, I sometimes forget about how many parallels there are to previous generations and whole other cultural movements like you mentioned. I feel like we are going through a modern dark ages of sorts right now, and I'm hoping enlightenment thinkers will ultimately break through the noise. A girl can dream! :) :)
Thank you for this thoughtful piece. It seems like - at least in certain countries - women will need to spotlight our concerns about how men are being treated (especially but not exclusively young men) and the unhealthy habits of our societies, to improve this sorry state of things. The pendulum truly does swing from one extreme to the next, in hindsight.
Thank you so much for reading! It truly does feel like a pendulum. It's wishful thinking maybe, but I wish these women understood that adding another wrong to a previous wrong doesn't make it a right. What I witness directly, and indirectly via social media, is an unearned guilt automatically placed on men simply for being men. This has been true in regards to women and how they are viewed in various cultures both historic and present. It's like perceived original sin, with these women getting back at men because of a "sins of the father" scenario. I certainly don't have all the answers as to how to combat it, but like you said, it takes people on the side of reason, including women, to communicate their concerns and hopefully that creates enough of an antidote effect to at least get the ball rolling in the proper direction. I so appreciate your insightful comment!
A very nice essay! l had never heard of the spreadsheet approach before, but I had heard of the 666 rule: six-figure income, six-feet tall, six-inch penis. That leaves a lot of men out in the cold, but it does the same for women, because 40% of them (on dating apps) are chasing 1% of the opposite sex. And this lack of paring gives men little incentive to be faithful. I prefer your Aristotelian approach, and it has worked for my wife and me for over 30 years.
Thank you so much for reading! It is always wonderful hearing from other couples who take a virtuous approach to their relationships as well. I didn't know about the 666 rule- but it's another example of the horribly distorted view people have of what romantic relationships should be based on. With how much identity politics has taken over (so much of the younger generations can only view the world from the lens of their "tribe), I'm not sure what the answer is. What I do know, is that when I meet a couple in a loving, healthy relationship it offers me some hope that despite what social media would lead me to believe, there's evidence in front of me that love, done properly, is alive and well :)
i fear the genders are interacting at cross purposes (rob henderson covers this). being male, can i really understand the motivations underlying how woman interact with men ?
in my experience, when you are young, women always seem focused on the few top peer males in their area (the young studs and cool guys) and those with status (wealthy famikies or career paths). Often these are older men, and young guys see how the most appealing women often have older male companions. so we strive in our own ways for peer respect and status in society (so as a guy i can succeed with women, it's called a sexual driver of human motivation), all the while seeking sexual relationships. if men want a chance at sex with lots of appealing wome by having peer status or financial resources (but usually settle into a monogamous and ultimately sexless partnership with the mother of his children whom they raise as best they can in their situation); why couldn't women have similar contradictory goals and results ? what if guys just want the sex and the promise of more sex, but women really want a partner who sticks around and provides for her and her babies (could that be the real goal of women and not sex for itself) ? why isn't money and its potential acquisition by your possible sex partner then a reasonable basis on which to judge your "dates" ?
from a male perspective, thank god i find many women appealing. very occasionally, i find a woman and a situation in which we both" like" each other (for whatever reasons) and the relationship becomes monogamous and based on the virtues you cite. but it seems so arbitrary.
i admire the young (both my past self and current persons) for their naive faith in their anticipated future with a partner and the willingness to try when the opportunity arises. at 67 and starting a third romantic relationship, the ability to trust is fraught with hope and peril. i can only opine that trusting in your "gut" and following your "instincts" is the only way forward free of crippling doubt. the future is unknowable, one can never know the right answer to a relationship. one has to live it.
As an individualist, this is the only philosophical way I have ever approached relationships, period. I connect with humans via the content of their individual minds, and don't pay much attention to gender (or race, socio-economic background, etc.). Because of this overall philosophical approach, I've never believed that each gender has one single "purpose" in regards to the other. Because of this approach, I also have the ability to deeply empathize with and poignantly understand men despite being a woman.
Yes, some women (and men), want traditional relationships. Others want a more modern relationship. Both are great, as long as virtue on each of their individual parts drives the relationship. I wonder, if you have been in relationships based on virtue, as you stated, how faithful you both stayed to those virtues if they seemed arbitrary? Morality (which deals directly with virtue ethics, hardly seems arbitrary). Of course, if a woman wants to have children and be able to stay at home with them, therefore she needs a partner who earns an income that can afford her this lifestyle, it's important to discuss these matters. But, as I mentioned in my essay, constructing a spreadsheet with respective penis sizes and height differences hardly seems like a respectful way to approach this goal.
Romantic relationships (in their proper form), are made up of two individuals with shared common values who strive for virtue which translates to the health of the relationship. You mention faith and gut instincts. These, in the philosophical sense, can be detrimental to romantic relationships. Taking things on "faith" means taking things blindly, with no apparent reason or proof for doing so. Is that how you would want your partner to view your role in a relationship with them? You have no earthly idea as to why you are with them, you just did it on “faith”? Instincts can be helpful information-gatherers, but they must be properly integrated with one’s consciousness. And the main driver of one’s consciousness, of man as a rational animal, should be reason, not simply emotion, gut-instinct, or other immediate reactions to one’s environment based on a value system that either exists subconsciously or is fully integrated into one’s consciousness. Not properly examining these instincts then using reason to discern if they’re valid or not is exactly how one ends up with “crippling doubt.” It also takes the “rational” part out of the animal that you are.
Yes, the future is never knowable. But relationships do require answers. And those answers are found in the form of objective ethics. Healthy, beneficial, fulfilling relationships have always required, and always will require, virtue in order to flourish.
Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate your comment!
A wonderful and much-needed article, Rebecca. Thank you for writing and sharing this!!
Thank you so much for reading, Carrie-Ann!
Great piece Rebecca
My wife and I had a couple of kids at a time when neither one of us was making any "real" money. Today, my daughters, raised with parental love as well as love of learning, are two amazing, successful women. Neither my first wife, nor my daughters have ever assigned importance to materialism and externals. Oh vanity of vanities...
I believe that since you take nothing with you when you go, only two things count on the journey: love/family and learning. Those two values will see you through everything
Sending 🤗🤗
Beautiful words, George! If there were more parents like you out there the world would be doing much, much better in the virtues department! Love/family and learning, I have to agree, those are two keys to the metaphorical fountain of youth :) I hope you are doing well!
The promotion of anomie in the west today is doing what anomie always does... destroy the fabric of society. Whether in todays western cultural revolution or yesterdays revolutions of Mao Zedong, French revolution, Russian revolution, etc... the victims of these hollow and deceptive ideologies are the individuals and families therein. The result is loss of meaning, depression, nihilism, suicide, mass homicide, and self-harm.
Some of the stated goals of the cultural Marxists are to eradicate the family structure and replace the dreaded "patriarch" with the state as well as destroy any institutions whose authority might rival their own, i.e. churches, charities, etc...
It is no wonder then that todays youth (and every age group really) are so lonely. They replace the sense of meaning and purpose with incessant scrolling on social media. They replace dating with swiping on meaningless Apps. They replace conversation with facebook messages. They replace love with casual sex which is devoid of all meaning all the while accumulating within themselves the error of their ways. The growing loneliness and lack of meaning is blamed on the other sex whether misandry or misogyny. They attempt to assuage their depreciating self-worth with charts of sexual encounters... the only thing of value other than monetary things in today's Brave New World.
This is so eloquently stated! Thank you so much for reading and your reply. Your last paragraph especially resonated with me. I was reading the other day an essay about our "cultural value bankruptcy." The kicker is it's an essay from the early 1960s. With how much insanity we have today in our current cultural climate, I sometimes forget about how many parallels there are to previous generations and whole other cultural movements like you mentioned. I feel like we are going through a modern dark ages of sorts right now, and I'm hoping enlightenment thinkers will ultimately break through the noise. A girl can dream! :) :)
Thank you for this thoughtful piece. It seems like - at least in certain countries - women will need to spotlight our concerns about how men are being treated (especially but not exclusively young men) and the unhealthy habits of our societies, to improve this sorry state of things. The pendulum truly does swing from one extreme to the next, in hindsight.
Thank you so much for reading! It truly does feel like a pendulum. It's wishful thinking maybe, but I wish these women understood that adding another wrong to a previous wrong doesn't make it a right. What I witness directly, and indirectly via social media, is an unearned guilt automatically placed on men simply for being men. This has been true in regards to women and how they are viewed in various cultures both historic and present. It's like perceived original sin, with these women getting back at men because of a "sins of the father" scenario. I certainly don't have all the answers as to how to combat it, but like you said, it takes people on the side of reason, including women, to communicate their concerns and hopefully that creates enough of an antidote effect to at least get the ball rolling in the proper direction. I so appreciate your insightful comment!
A very nice essay! l had never heard of the spreadsheet approach before, but I had heard of the 666 rule: six-figure income, six-feet tall, six-inch penis. That leaves a lot of men out in the cold, but it does the same for women, because 40% of them (on dating apps) are chasing 1% of the opposite sex. And this lack of paring gives men little incentive to be faithful. I prefer your Aristotelian approach, and it has worked for my wife and me for over 30 years.
Thank you so much for reading! It is always wonderful hearing from other couples who take a virtuous approach to their relationships as well. I didn't know about the 666 rule- but it's another example of the horribly distorted view people have of what romantic relationships should be based on. With how much identity politics has taken over (so much of the younger generations can only view the world from the lens of their "tribe), I'm not sure what the answer is. What I do know, is that when I meet a couple in a loving, healthy relationship it offers me some hope that despite what social media would lead me to believe, there's evidence in front of me that love, done properly, is alive and well :)
i fear the genders are interacting at cross purposes (rob henderson covers this). being male, can i really understand the motivations underlying how woman interact with men ?
in my experience, when you are young, women always seem focused on the few top peer males in their area (the young studs and cool guys) and those with status (wealthy famikies or career paths). Often these are older men, and young guys see how the most appealing women often have older male companions. so we strive in our own ways for peer respect and status in society (so as a guy i can succeed with women, it's called a sexual driver of human motivation), all the while seeking sexual relationships. if men want a chance at sex with lots of appealing wome by having peer status or financial resources (but usually settle into a monogamous and ultimately sexless partnership with the mother of his children whom they raise as best they can in their situation); why couldn't women have similar contradictory goals and results ? what if guys just want the sex and the promise of more sex, but women really want a partner who sticks around and provides for her and her babies (could that be the real goal of women and not sex for itself) ? why isn't money and its potential acquisition by your possible sex partner then a reasonable basis on which to judge your "dates" ?
from a male perspective, thank god i find many women appealing. very occasionally, i find a woman and a situation in which we both" like" each other (for whatever reasons) and the relationship becomes monogamous and based on the virtues you cite. but it seems so arbitrary.
i admire the young (both my past self and current persons) for their naive faith in their anticipated future with a partner and the willingness to try when the opportunity arises. at 67 and starting a third romantic relationship, the ability to trust is fraught with hope and peril. i can only opine that trusting in your "gut" and following your "instincts" is the only way forward free of crippling doubt. the future is unknowable, one can never know the right answer to a relationship. one has to live it.
As an individualist, this is the only philosophical way I have ever approached relationships, period. I connect with humans via the content of their individual minds, and don't pay much attention to gender (or race, socio-economic background, etc.). Because of this overall philosophical approach, I've never believed that each gender has one single "purpose" in regards to the other. Because of this approach, I also have the ability to deeply empathize with and poignantly understand men despite being a woman.
Yes, some women (and men), want traditional relationships. Others want a more modern relationship. Both are great, as long as virtue on each of their individual parts drives the relationship. I wonder, if you have been in relationships based on virtue, as you stated, how faithful you both stayed to those virtues if they seemed arbitrary? Morality (which deals directly with virtue ethics, hardly seems arbitrary). Of course, if a woman wants to have children and be able to stay at home with them, therefore she needs a partner who earns an income that can afford her this lifestyle, it's important to discuss these matters. But, as I mentioned in my essay, constructing a spreadsheet with respective penis sizes and height differences hardly seems like a respectful way to approach this goal.
Romantic relationships (in their proper form), are made up of two individuals with shared common values who strive for virtue which translates to the health of the relationship. You mention faith and gut instincts. These, in the philosophical sense, can be detrimental to romantic relationships. Taking things on "faith" means taking things blindly, with no apparent reason or proof for doing so. Is that how you would want your partner to view your role in a relationship with them? You have no earthly idea as to why you are with them, you just did it on “faith”? Instincts can be helpful information-gatherers, but they must be properly integrated with one’s consciousness. And the main driver of one’s consciousness, of man as a rational animal, should be reason, not simply emotion, gut-instinct, or other immediate reactions to one’s environment based on a value system that either exists subconsciously or is fully integrated into one’s consciousness. Not properly examining these instincts then using reason to discern if they’re valid or not is exactly how one ends up with “crippling doubt.” It also takes the “rational” part out of the animal that you are.
Yes, the future is never knowable. But relationships do require answers. And those answers are found in the form of objective ethics. Healthy, beneficial, fulfilling relationships have always required, and always will require, virtue in order to flourish.
Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate your comment!